QUIT OR FIGHT

 

                                                        

"In life we need to carefully choose a battle that worth the sacrifices even if we do not know if we can win." 

Good day everyone! 💚

 I know it such a long time since I uploaded a blog. I sincerely apologized for that.  In past few weeks I was not really in the good shape. I cannot correctly gather my thoughts and I honestly don't to where to start and what to share. 

My head was in chaos for how many weeks, I don't know if all the battles I face is worth fighting for or should I accept defeat? I don't want to quit, I hold onto my faith and strengthen my principles that this battle is worth fighting for. 

But, One thing I learned in those dark times of my life. "In life we need to carefully choose a battle that worth the sacrifices even if we do not know if we can win." And sometimes we need to quit, not because we are weak but because we are strong enough to choose the priorities. 

Maybe some of you are  wondering what I was saying. Or you skeptical what I am trying to  convey. 

To make it short and clear. I QUIT! YES I QUIT IN ONE OF THE BATTLES IN MY LIFE. 

Recently, I was a prospect in one of the organization here in MSU Main-Campus Marawi City. I can say that I am truly lucky to be accepted as prospect, but to pledge as a member I must undergo a long process. I know my responsibilities and my duties as a prospect, thus I want to give my best to perform those duties and responsibilities. But then, no matter how hard I tried to manage my time and even manage my mind I  know that my body cannot cope up anymore, my sanity just kept worsen. I felt so drained, and exhausted. 

SCHOOL. WORK. ORG. COMPETITION. And the cycle keeps going. 

Then I suddenly had a break down, my mental and emotional health is greatly affected. I know it is not healthy anymore  and I need to give up something. Yet, I still kept gaslighting my self that, I am just being weak and overthinking things out. I still encourage my self that I can handle everything, that everything is under control. 

But everything got worst when I came back from Singapore and the first thing I face was an exam, a presentation, and a reporting. I don't even had a time to rest and breath. 

I felt so suffocated of everything, I kept having breakdowns and my depression attacks hits different. Yet, I still need to fake a smile and attend class like nothing happened, like everything is fine, that I am ok. Because I should be OK!

While I was lying on my bed and thinking deeply what is going on, why I felt like I was not my self lately. I realized that I should remember why I am here in the first place, so I recall everything and re-arrange my priorities in life. 

That night, I decided to quit in the org. Not because I am weak but because I am strong enough to let go something  that already embedded in my soul, even  it hurts so much. It makes me questions my principles in life, if my decisions is right or I just acted based on my emotions. And I realized that I cannot let go any other things, except the org. It saddened me so much, yet it also give me a lessons that changes how I see my self. 

I know that learning is a lifetime process, as well as knowing yourself. Everyday or there are certain moments in life where we can just stop for a second and be in awe  for our new self discovery. 💚

No matter who we are, we need to embrace that imperfections, that flaws, that beautiful scars that shaped us who we truly are. 💖

Just always remember to choose the battles that truly matters and worth fighting for without sacrificing your whole being. 💗

TO ALL SUICIDAL PEPS OUT THERE. WE GOT THIS!💪💚